Enabling a caching method breaks site

[ExiledVip3r]

While using 4.1.3.2 (also happened in 4.1.2) if I try to set a caching method from Advanced Configuration->Data Storage, after setting the constants file and saving, the site becomes incredibly slow for about 10 seconds, and then just starts returning Error 500 page until I restart php to give myself enough time to quickly change the caching method back to no caching. 

I've tried both Memcached and Redis, both of which I can confirm are installed and running. Also tried using them both with Data Storage Method of File System or MySQL Database, no matter the combination once the site becomes unusable my error logs start spitting out constant error messages similar to this:

Quote

2015/11/08 08:52:04 [error] 7539#0: *18990591 FastCGI sent in stderr: "PHP message: PHP Fatal error:  Uncaught exception 'ErrorException' with message 'mysqli::prepare(): Couldn't fetch IPS\Db' in /var/www/site.com/primary/public/system/Db/Db.php:361
Stack trace:
#0 [internal function]: IPS\IPS::errorHandler(2, 'mysqli::prepare...', '/var/www/site...', 361, Array)
#1 /var/www/site.com/primary/public/system/Db/Db.php(361): mysqli->prepare('/*IPS\\Session\\_...')
#2 /var/www/site.com/primary/public/system/Db/Db.php(635): IPS\_Db->preparedQuery('REPLACE INTO `c...', Array)
#3 /var/www/site.com/primary/public/system/Session/Front.php(297): IPS\_Db->replace('core_sessions', Array, true)
#4 [internal function]: IPS\Session\_Front->write('40ndf78nad7v53g...', '')
#5 {main}
  thrown in /var/www/site.com/primary/public/system/Db/Db.php on line 361" while reading upstream, client: ---, server: www.site.com, request: "GET /index.php?app=core&module=attach&section=attach&attach_rel_module=post&attach_id=92546 HTTP/1.1", upstream: "fastcgi://unix:/var/run/php5-fpm.sock:", host: "www.site.com", referrer: "---"
2015/11/08 08:52:04 [error] 7543#0: *18992167 FastCGI sent in stderr: "PHP message: PHP Fatal error:  Uncaught exception 'ErrorException' with message 'mysqli::real_escape_string(): Couldn't fetch IPS\Db' in /var/www/site.com/primary/public/system/Db/Db.php:1876
Stack trace:
#0 [internal function]: IPS\IPS::errorHandler(2, 'mysqli::real_es...', '/var/www/site...', 1876, Array)
#1 /var/www/site.com/primary/public/system/Db/Db.php(1876): mysqli->real_escape_string('cacheKeys')
#2 /var/www/site.com/primary/public/system/Data/Store/Database.php(89): IPS\_Db->in('store_key', Array)
#3 /var/www/site.com/primary/public/system/Data/Store/Database.php(105): IPS\Data\Store\_Database->loadIntoMemory(Array)
#4 /var/www/site.com/primary/public/system/Data/Store/Database.php(152): IPS\Data\Store\_Database->get('cacheKeys')
#5 /var/www/site.com/primary/public/system/Data/AbstractData.php(111): IPS\Data\Store\_Database->exists('cacheKeys')
#6 /var/www/site.com/primary/public/system/Data/Store.php(188): IPS\Data\_AbstractData->__isset('cacheKeys')
 

 

This is on Debian 8.2, nginx 1.8, PHP 5.6, and MariaDB 10.1 (MySQL 5.6).