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I was trying to search for a conversation on my site and found it had vanished ... and wondered if this is because the other person involved deleted it on their end. If this is the case, is there a way to change the settings so that someone can delete it on their end but I retain a copy?

Hoping it is just a setting i have wrong


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That's not how the system works. If someone "deletes" the conversation on their end and you haven't on your end, behind the scenes they're removed from the conversation so they no longer see it, but you will still be able to access it (and the software will show that the user is removed from the conversation). Another user deleting a conversation will not remove it for you.

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